next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
