I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So here I am, sexting at work.
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