I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
