Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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