I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
