No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
