Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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