dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
