you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
