you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
