I want to have your abortion
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
