I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
