Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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