Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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