Kareoke will never be a sober sport
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
