that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
