there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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