I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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