I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
