Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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