Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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