i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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