I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
