my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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