how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
