OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
