Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize