I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i will never coherently bang her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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