Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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