I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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