All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
