yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
