Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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