you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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