just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
