none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
