You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
