Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize