Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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