do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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