I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
