dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
