So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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