i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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