I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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