She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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