I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
