okay pat passed out under dana's car
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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