So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
