Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i will never coherently bang her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
