My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
being pregnant is like rehab
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
