So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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