Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
