But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
wakey wakey hands off snakey
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
