Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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