I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
