Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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