this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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