I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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