Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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