we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
This baby is an asshole
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
