You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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