You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
