I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
